As I noted in a recent post, I have a collection of old class notebooks dating back five years that I somehow still haven't thrown out. To encourage myself to get rid of them, I went through all of them and copied anything that was remotely funny into a text file. Here are the highlights (or, if you prefer, "highlights"):
I need speel.
Looking back at this past semester, I think it's safe to say that class would have been more entertaining if Dr. [Redacted] had lectured while wearing a giant foam cowboy hat. A pink one would have been best.
I hit my head on the wall and now I have a headache.
Watch out! Prohibition!
You only make Thunderball twice.
I don't think the Kasparov-Deep Blue match had as many sound effects as Dr. [Redacted] portrays...
"Oh, you are cool! Let's rob that bank!"
STOP PRUNING FISH :(
...and that's how I cut my face off.
"When Θ is zero, you can't get divorced."
Most things are O(N!), really.
"Baby likes sweetie. Baby does not like electric shock."
I propose that the official description of this course be changed to, "America's Rockin' Roller Coast."
I keep my scripts in the cgi bin.
I can still read my handwriting. Almost.
"Avoid missing ball for high score"
Time-Independent Perturbation Theory: an approximation method for problems we don't feel like solving exactly.
Subject is terminally useless.
Chef Bobbitt, you have been chopped.
"But it is possible to pop your eyeball out."
-- Overheard in the hallway outside class
It amuses me that "formal methodist" is a pun.
Today's oceans ain't got the same sole
...Slim Shady!
Dr. [Redacted] has a surprisingly jazzy ringtone.
There are routing protocols called, "TEEN," and, "APTEEN." I propose, "BACTEEN." More than 5 hops and the sensor node sprays you in the face with rubbing alcohol.
I think becoming a fellow in a professional/academic organization (e.g., ACM/IEEE) is equivalent to getting made.
Have a sip.
OF YOUR DOOM.
[Redacted] likes to illustrate things with farting noises.
Heh, heh, "μ2."
[The] best on one dimension and no worse on others given how best you are.
(my attempt to correct the instructor's definition of, "Pareto Front.")
nonce: The Freshmaker!
"Gimme some feedback."
Eeeeeeeeeeeee....
Dear Ozzy,
how did you get so fat?
Respectfully yours,
Werewolf
"I give up because I don't care."
-- Someone sitting behind me
A few other things that I thought were worth mentioning:
- I can't understand most of my notes any more, so the notebooks have no educational value. The 300 pounds of textbooks that I also haven't gotten rid of are probably more useful.
- I mentioned last time that I wrote the full lyrics to "Birdhouse in Your Soul" during one lecture. In a different course, I wrote the lyrics to "Legion of Stoopid" in one lecture and "Sam Stone" in another.
- In the physical chemistry sequence that I took, one of the students would occasionally draw something on the chalkboard before class, well before the instructor or I arrived. Here are my notes on the four times that it happened:
Communist baleen whale with a periscope. I'm glad people are visibly trying to [redacted] with him now.Platypus with three swords and a banana. But what does it MEAN?Dead deer + "The 19th of November." Response: "They're just overgrown rats."Random FLCL drawing on chalkboard. Heh, heh, eyebrows...
...and with that, I will hopefully never again post a collection of one-liners copied from a notebook.
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