At the beginning of the Capital One Bowl today, I was so excited about the game that I decided to take notes on every play. I had no reason to be so enthusiastic.
It's taken me a few hours to convince myself to post this. Most of what I wrote provides no context and will likely not make sense even a few days after the game. Some of it is insulting, to both teams, and for that, I apologize. Watching football makes me emotional. For its potential value as a psychological study, however, here is a chronicle of one Michigan State fan's thoughts during today's game, fully unedited (except for grammar and spelling):
DEFENSE (opening kickoff):
- Bam! Richardson falls down!
- Crap! First down on the first play!
- Yeah! Big, fat, tackle! Ignore the fact that they just gained six yards on a running play!
- Woo false start stop hitting yourself.
- INGRAM IS S.T.U.F.F.E.D. (will write a backronym later)
- I can understand throwing a flag, because Rucker was tugging on Jones, but I'm not sure that the ball was catchable and the call should've been holding, not pass interference.
- Yeah, Ingram is a good runner.... and Rucker gets hurt and limps off the field while Holly Rowe is talking about how he told Pat Narduzzi that he wanted to be covering Julio Jones the entire game.
- Good attempt at rushing Michael J. Fox; bad job covering the quick pass.
- Woo false start stop hitting yourself.
- I would've liked to have seen a tackle in the backfield there, because we had a shot at one, but I'll accept a run for no gain.
- More bad tackling against Marquis Maze.
- I guess it's better than giving up big plays, but letting Alabama get every 4- or 5-yard short pass like that isn't going to win us the game.
- Letting Trent Richardson run ten yards in the red zone isn't going to win us this game, either.
- ...nor will letting him progressively drive half the distance to the goal, Zeno be damned.
- ...still not going to work.
- ...still not going to work. By the way, Brad Nessler on Eric Gordon: "He's a football player!"
- ...because we're not going to stop Mark Ingram from running half a yard, especially now that he knows how easy it is to go to the outside and run over our safeties. 7-0, Bam-Bams.
OFFENSE (kickoff):
- We can't win every kickoff. Actually, aside from that one time against Wisconsin, we usually don't.
- Baker stuffed waaayyyy in the backfield. Our line melted like butter. I hope that doesn't happen again.
- Well, Gantt got us back to where we were a couple downs ago, which isn't great, but at least the line held long enough that time for Cousins to do his usual Tom Brady impression.
- Dude, Dell's getting a first down! I must say, after watching so many teams I don't know play football for so many days, it feels strange hearing the announcers call out so many names that I recognize.
- Martin, what are you doing? The endzone is the other way.
- Ugh, that screen didn't work at all. There were too many guys blitzing for us to contain them and Cousins got whalloped.
- Dell on third down again. If we can do that on every third down, we might win the football game. I'd be surprised if Mr. Satan lets us do that, but I can dream.
- Cousins... is not a rushing quarterback. Smart play running for the sidelines and not getting himself hurt, though.
- Baker... for not much. I don't think we're going to get anywhere running up the middle. I've heard talk about how Treadwell calls that play so regularly as a way of wearing down the defense, but until we succeed in tiring them, we're going to be eating downs every time it gets called.
- I am okay with Nichol playing Dell's role if it gets us first downs.
- Hmm, maybe the referees are just really false-start-happy.
- Yeah, that was almost a great passing play, but the announcers are right: Cousins isn't getting enough time to wait for plays to develop.
- Baker's not getting any room to run at all, down the middle or to the outside.
- Cousins did a brilliant job dodging a sack there, but throwing the ball at chest height into double coverage was not a good decision. Alabama brought their defense with them today. I really hope this doesn't turn into Iowa Game, Part 2.
DEFENSE:
- Michael J. Fox normally doesn't make a lot of mistakes. Maybe if we hit a couple times, we can get him to throw a few more screen passes behind Ingram like that.
- Again, we were trying to rush, but Fox was able to find Jones for a first down before our defensive line could get to him. Maybe there is something to all that talk about SEC speed.
- That's two broken screens now. Come on, Nick, keep callin' 'em screens.
- Fox should not be able to run that far.
- ...and we shouldn't be letting him throw the ball to Jones next to the first-down marker.
- ...clips of last year's Capital One Bowl remind me how lucky Michigan State is to have a really good groundskeeping staff. At least the Citrus Bowl has turf in it now.
- Ah, hell, now we're giving up the deep ball to Jones. How did we end up with Hyde on him?
- This looks a lot like Iowa Game, Part 2. Richardson's only obstacle to the endzone was Hyde. Our linebackers — whose strength is stopping running plays, mind you, not passing plays — were not in a position to help.
OFFENSE (kickoff):
- That was merely an okay kickoff return. Therefore, I am going into full panic mode.
- PANIC MODE PANIC MODE PANIC MODE PANIC MODE. Tight ends are bigger than wide receivers. They should be able to hold on to the ball. Deep breaths, deep breaths... okay, the ruling was that Cousins's pass was irreparably awful. Thank you, officials, for wanting to keep the game interesting. Also, in the background of the not-fumble-recovery, Gantt got knocked down from behind after the ball was picked up. Shouldn't there have been an unnecessary roughness call?
- Baker did something! And there was an obvious late hit! There's my call!
- I don't think the backfield lateral has ever worked for us. I wonder if that's another play that Treadwell calls to tire the defense.
- Good decision by Martin to run for the first down rather than risking a wobbly pass against a defense that's already made one interception.
- Baker kind of slipped on that run up the middle. No gain; not much of a loss. Meh.
- HOLY LINTHICUM! And Brad Nessler still hasn't noticed that he only has one 'C' in his name! Huzzah!
- More Baker up the middle for no gain.
- Wicked grab by Dell, though Cousins still looks uncomfortable having to throw the ball that quickly.
- Oh, dear, that's an incredibly stupid penalty when you're three yards from the goalline and you've only got two downs to go. I don't know why Dantonio has a reputation for running a disciplined team when we commit so many stupid penalties.
- Did we just go from the 8-yard line to the 40-yard line? I do believe we did. I guess we're going to have to punt now or something. Panic mode had subsided after Linthicum's catch, but it is beginning to return.
DEFENSE (punt):
- What, Dantonio, no fake punt on 4th-and-Goal from the 40? Kidding aside, it would've been really nice to pin the Tide here rather than giving them the touchback.
- I hope Worthy at least managed to slightly scare his opposition on the offensive line by jumping over like that.
- Ingram runs for a bunch. That was toward Worthy, too. I guess he had no effect.
- That was a good run by Ingram, but Julio Jones held one of our defenders, so I am somewhat upset that it counted.
- We really need to get our defensive line to move that last couple yards. Meanwhile, Michael J. throws the ball away.
- I thought our run defense was supposed to be good.
- There's that pass to the first-down marker again, and there are our defenders running over to hit the receiver a couple yards after catching the ball again.
- CAN NOBODY TACKLE MARK INGRAM? Did Pat Narduzzi ask Greg Robinson for advice on stopping a strong offense before the game?
- No, nobody can tackle Mark Ingram. We are now down 21-0 and I don't see Cam Newton on our sideline.
OFFENSE (kickoff):
- Alabama apparently cannot keep the ball on the tee. I don't know whether we can or not because we've only had one chance to use it.
- It's a flag! Snap infraction? False start? No, delay of game. Why are we doing that?
- Acceptable screen to Caper. I just hope he's durable enough to keep taking hits like that.
- Cousins should stop dropping 15 yards behind the line of scrimmage because it isn't helping him avoid getting sacked.
- Cousins should also stop throwing passes at Alabama defenders. Stipek should stop snapping the ball at Cousins's feet.
DEFENSE (punt):
- That was an uncharacteristically short punt for Bates. I think he might've been punting into the wind.
- That pass should not have been caught. Maybe Maze has stretchy arms.
- Huh, we held Alabama on second down. I feel terrible about the fact that stopping Alabama on second down is noteworthy enough for mention. Can we do it on third down?
- No, we can't. We can watch Julio Jones run around all of our defenders and into the endzone.
OFFENSE (kickoff):
- Did we just draw on offsides penalty when receiving a kickoff? We're completely collapsing. I don't want to watch football anymore.
- Fowler has done a respectable job returning kicks today. I guess that's one positive thing that we can take away from this game.
- Cousins looked dejected after giving the ball to Martin. Martin sort of stopped and wandered out of bounds after meeting the defenders. Ugh. And now the announcers have decided to talk about pizza rather than the football game. This is embarrassing.
- That wasn't a bad run...
- ...but then we went and picked up a false start that mostly negated it.
- 3rd & 8. Cousins is rushed. The screen pass loses two yards. We are DOOMED DOOMED DOOMED DOOMED DOOMED DOOMED DOOMED.
DEFENSE (punt):
- Very good punt. Coverage wasn't bad.
- Huh, it's been a while since we held Ingram to three yards. I remember the beginning of the game when it looked like we might have a shot at a goalline stop. It seems so long ago.
- Another 3- or 4-yard run, though I suspect that Hercule is simply trying to run the clock. Given how well his defense has played, running clock is probably all he needs to do.
- I am disappointed that Dantonio did not try to get the football back at the end of the half. We got the stop. He should've tried to do something with it. I know that we would've risked an interception if we'd asked Cousins to heave it toward the endzone, but we're in such a big hole that I don't think it would have made us any worse off.
HALFTIME:
- Old Dominion's mascot is goofy-looking.
OFFENSE (half-opening kickoff):
- I didn't get to see the kickoff. Either I was on a different game when it happened, and ESPN went straight to commercial after it, or ESPN didn't bother to show it.
- Another running play for nothing...
- ...and another short pass for a few. More than a few, actually. Martin managed to stretch it out to six.
- Ugh, Cousins can't overthrow Dell like that. I really thought he would learn not to rush his passes after he cratered in the Iowa game.
DEFENSE (punt):
- And it's punt time. Good punt, fair-caught on the 20.
- Ingram runs for what might as well be a million yards.
- Michael J. Fox throws for four billion. I am despondent.
- Ingram finally "stopped," if you can call a four-yard rush a stop. He walked off the field after that. Maybe he ran so far that it gave him a cramp.
- 35-0. Terrible pass coverage. No pass rush. We've given up. The only question is whether we can run up enough points that if someone saw only the score, they might be fooled into thinking that the game was interesting at some point.
OFFENSE (kickoff):
- With the amount of effort he's putting into it, Fowler deserves to have gotten a runback by now. I don't think we're blocking well enough for him to get one, though.
- Baker tries to run to the outside and loses two.
- Cousins lasers the ball at a defender's hand.
- 3rd & 12. Cousins hit immediately after throwing. Martin... catches a long pass?
- Cousins hit again. He is visibly in pain when he gets up. He is called for grounding because the pass that he threw while falling to the ground didn't go far enough.
- I respect Dantonio's decision to try a weird play with Martin in the backfield, but that play was a disaster. Martin should have cut upfield: he had a hole there.
- 3rd & 33. Cousins throws it away. Dell blows his knee or ankle or something.
DEFENSE (punt):
- Another good punt from Bates. Lousy coverage.
- firstdownrichardson
- Huh, Jones actually didn't catch the ball.
- Michael J. Fox steps out for the remainder of the game. His replacement does an admirable job of handing the ball to Richardson.
- ...did we just tackle Richardson for a loss?
OFFENSE (punt):
- Wow, Alabama punted. It doesn't matter because we can't possibly win at this point, but they punted. Touchback.
- bakerupthegutnogain
- Cousins sacked from behind again. We might as well put Maxwell in for the remainder of the game.
- Nichol kinda phoned in that catch, which is probably why he dropped it. Anyway, he's hurt now, too.
DEFENSE (punt):
- batescanpunttheball
- wecantmakeopenfieldtackles
- fristdonrichardson
- We almost got a rush in there, but Not Michael J. Fox still got the pass off. The receiver didn't pull off much of a run, thankfully.
- I don't know who Demetrius Goode is, but he just ran for a first down.
- Notfox doesn't appear to be a running quarterback, but he still scrambled for four.
- Another big second-down stop...
- Wow, a third-down stop, too. Also, according to the announcers, Greg Jones has had a torn tendon that makes it impossible for him to bend one of his fingers for the entire season. I honestly would have preferred it if he had gotten that fixed while we were playing nobody at the beginning of the season (sorry, Irish) so that he would be able to grab people now.
- We can't stop them on fourth down, though.
- Another fairly successful Alabama run; another Michigan State first-stringer leaving the field with an injury.
- 42-0. I don't know who carried the ball there. I guess he's Alabama's fourth-string tailback. I am reminded of Penn State choking on a hairball against USC a couple years ago, and Illinois before them, but neither of those teams lost quite as badly as we're going to here.
OFFENSE (kickoff):
- Caper this time. Another respectable return for us. Go Spartan special teams!
- I was looking at the Northwestern game during this play. I guess Maxwell tossed the ball to Gantt for a decent gain. I wonder if 'Bama has their second- or third-string defense in.
- Baker actually runs for a couple. The announcers try to throw us a bone by pointing out how many of our offensive skill players are returning, but skill players are useless if the line can't give them space to play.
- Long pass to nowhere.
- Good pass to Nichol going across the field. Come on, 'Bama, give us a few.
- Alabama gave Maxwell tons of time on that play-action play — come to think of it, they never gave Cousins enough time to go play-action at all — but Maxwell ruined it by chucking the ball at Gantt's calves.
- Ball thrown directly at Hightower's hand.
- Snap thrown at the patch of turf in front of Maxwell. He is sacked for ever.
- 4th & 22. We go for it! Maxwell is sacked again! Alabama takes over on their 40...
DEFENSE:
- I think Alabama has their drumline playing now, but either way, we stopped them on first down.
- We did not really stop them on second down. That pass looked like it was good for five or six yards.
- Good tackle on third down. The snare player didn't have time to turn and run.
- Editor's note: Alabama scored at this point. I did not make a note of how it happened. I was either watching a different game or trying to pretend that it was still 11:30.
OFFENSE (kickoff):
- Uninteresting return from Martin. This game is over and there are still more than eleven minutes left to go.
- Nichol is in at quarterback now because Maxwell got hurt while being sacked. Caper runs around for no gain.
- Nichol throws the ball sort of near Gantt, who has no chance of catching it and is injured on the play.
- Nichol rockets the ball a bit too high for anybody to properly catch it and it is tipped away.
DEFENSE (punt):
- I'm still surprised that Bates wasn't a Ray Guy Award semi-finalist this year.
- Johnny Adams nearly picked off that pass, but his timing was wrong and it ended up being a fairly large gain for Alabama.
- 49-0. Terrible defense. Still about nine minutes left to play. Our extra point defense unit quite visibly wants to leave. Dantonio looks like he wants to cry.
OFFENSE (kickoff):
- We might as well start running the weirdest parts of Treadwell's playbook now. It's our last chance. Anyway, the kickoff return was again average.
- At this point, ESPN started showing coverage of other games instead of what was happening in this game. The first play they showed of this drive was Linthicum dropping a pass that wouldn't have gotten him the first down anyway.
- 4th & 3! We go for it! Bennie Fowler FINALLY BREAKS THE SHUTOUT SWEET ZOMBIE JESUS. I think this is the only time I've heard the Spartan Marching Band do anything this game.
DEFENSE (kickoff):
- I didn't catch the kickoff. I was doing dishes. I feel no shame.
- We hold a tenor drum player, I believe, to two yards on first down.
- We manage a tackle for loss on second down. It's too bad that we couldn't do that to Alabama's first-string offensive line and Mark Ingram. I really don't understand how we managed to do stuff like that to Wisconsin's line and John Clay.
- We still can't manage a pass rush, though. First down.
- 2nd & 7 now.
- 3rd & 6 now.
- 1st & 10 now. It sounds like we've got some backups playing in our secondary. I guess it's a good sign that our backup secondary players can tackle Alabama's dregs. Maybe.
- Stopped for 2nd & 7 again.
- Stopped 3rd & 6 again. I hope we force them to punt!
- ...we do stop them, but we let the clock run out, which is probably a good decision. Let us never speak of this game again. Switching to ABC...
Reading my notes again, there are a few things that I want to point out. During the first few drives, there were a number of things that concerned me, but that I dismissed out of the hope that they would be infrequent occurrences: offensive line meltdowns, defensive line meltdowns, defensive secondary meltdowns, etc. All of them became regular occurrences by the end of the first quarter, by which point, my exuberance had completely collapsed. It is also interesting to note how much longer those drives lasted than the following sequences of plays. Michigan State's players were cleanly worn out after just one quarter of play against Alabama, and it shows even in the drive log.
So... do last year's slogans still apply? I'd say so.
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