Do not try this at all

So, there's a somewhat well-known urban legend — or at least, one that I've heard mentioned by a few different people — that it is impossible for a human being to consume a gallon of milk in an hour. This legend is usually phrased in the form of a bet, such as, "I'll give you (pittance) dollars if you can drink a gallon of milk in an hour, without throwing up." Especially cruel/miserly people will often attach other stipulations to the bet, such as not being allowed to consume any other foods or liquids during the challenge period, or not being allowed to throw up for another hour or two after the initial time window has expired. The idea is apparently popular enough to have been christened the, "gallon challenge."

I know for a fact that this is possible. I know someone who claims to have done it, and I know this person well enough that I am convinced he actually did it. I know that he has a very large capacity for food consumption, and I also know that at the time he claims to have completed the challenge, he was in probably the best shape of his life and could deadlift over 500 pounds. It seems plausible to me that he could do it, and I see no reason why he would want to lie about it.

This same person recently alerted me to a similar legend/challenge, introduced by a friend of his sister, that it is impossible to consume half a gallon of chocolate milk in the span of twenty minutes, again without throwing up. I responded to this claim by arguing that it isn't really that hard to consume half a gallon of water if you've recently worked out, and the added nutritive content of the chocolate milk shouldn't make it that much harder.

After tonight, I can confirm based on firsthand experience that it is possible to drink that much chocolate milk in the given span of time, but it is not something that anybody should ever do, ever redundant ever.

To provide some quick context, here are some facts about what I was drinking:

• More than one hundred percent of my USDA recommended daily allowance of saturated fat.
• Roughly 1600 Calories.
• Roughly 200 grams of sugar, and more like 240 grams of total carbohydrates. That's nowhere near the territory of the infamous maple syrup chug, but it's still more sugar than anybody should be consuming in twenty minutes.
• Something, much, much harder to consume than the plain skim milk that I've gotten used to drinking over the past six years.

The first 40 ounces or so went down pretty quickly. I honestly don't think it took more than seven or eight minutes. At that point, I realized that I was starting to feel sick, and took a five-minute break. I also realized that I was experiencing the most terrifying sugar rush of my life, and may have done some incoherent yelling that I can't quite remember clearly. The remainder of the bottle had to be consumed slowly over the remaining time period, with the last drop going down with only 20 seconds to spare. It really didn't help that I'd forgotten about shaking the bottle until there were only around eight ounces left in it.

To my credit, I did not throw up. There was a period of about 30 or 40 minutes where I honestly thought that I was going to throw up, but it didn't happen. I spent most of this time hunched over, with my head leaning on the side of a bathtub, trying to reduce the weight on my digestive system. I eventually managed to get settled enough that I could wander back over to a couch, where I spent the next two hours dealing with the aftereffects of the aforementioned sugar rush. I didn't realize that it was possible to feel hot and cold at the same time, but I know better now.

At this point, I'm feeling pretty bright and chipper — probably too bright and chipper, given that I wasted a whole evening punishing my digestive system, and I really ought to be getting to bed half an hour ago — but I still have to say that as a whole, the experience was regrettable. In conclusion, if you ever hear anyone suggest that this sort of thing is impossible, don't try it.. Instead, say that you totally read about some guy who said he did it on his, like, blog. They'll believe you.